The Playoff Doctor will see you now.
I see the Canadiens, Blues and Sharks are already in position. How nice of you to be so helpful to myself and your opponents.
I know that Bruins fans want to think that they're exorcising playoff demons here, but considering how schizophrenic the Habs were all season long, how awful they played leading up to the playoffs and how beat up they were... Is this really a surprise at all?
Yeah, yeah I know - rivalries, history, magic, aura... All that crap gets brought up and its stupid. None of that has anything to do with how horribly overmatched the Canadiens were going into this series and now that they're on the brink of being shown the broom there's nothing incredible nor overwhelming about it.
The Bruins weren't the underdogs in this battle and they're certainly not a rag-tag bunch of kids going up against Guy Lafleur, Larry Robinson and Ken Dryden Canadiens either.
Wait, what's that Jack Edwards?
Jack Edwards: Certifiably Insane
If the Bruins struggled at all in this series I would've been at a loss for words and then if you twisted my arm I might buy into that nonsense about never getting by the Canadiens ever.
Things change and this year things got a lot better for the Bruins and a lot worse for the Canadiens and its more than evident in this series.
The Bruins will get their first actual test in the next round...unless they face Carolina (trailing New Jersey 2 games to 1) or Philadelphia (trailing Pittsburgh 2-1), then forget it it's a walk to the Eastern Conference Finals in that case.
If they get either the Rangers or the Penguins in the second round, things get shaky for the B's since the Rangers (leading Washington 2-1) would have a goalie that can carry them far and steal games and the Penguins have offense to burn and give Tim Thomas fits.
In the Western Conference, I want to say that there's rhyme or reason for why the Sharks are failing so hard, but I can't even begin to imagine what the hell their problem is.
Presidents Trophy jinx? Get lost and stop reading my website.
Joe Thornton and Patrick Marleau aren't clutch enough in the playoffs? If you believe that kind of nonsense I'm going to find you and fire you into the sun.
Demotivated team whose boredom carried over into the opening round? Ehh...
That would make sense if they weren't playing a team they hate in the first round, and let's face it, San Jose hates Anaheim and there's no way around that.
You want the truth of the matter? Here it comes:
San Jose went sputtering into the playoffs and then got the worst possible opponent they could draw in Anaheim - a team that was on fire since the trade deadline, a team that didn't have a favorable schedule to close out the year when it came to making the playoffs.
Yet, here they are and they're on fire and they've got that savvy veteran leadership that the playoffs was meant for.
Oh yeah, and they've got a team that plays sick defense. Remember the 2007 team that won the Cup much to everyone's chagrin? Yeah, they're just like that team was only this time they've got a lot of younger guys up front, a lot of whom came up in the Ducks system and they know it backwards and forwards.
The Niedermayer brothers are still there. Teemu Selanne is still there. Physics egalitarian Chris Pronger is still there. Hell, even Jean-Sebastian Giguere is still there and he looks dashing in a baseball cap while Swiss freak Jonas Hiller backstops the Water Fowl.
They're not your normal eighth seed - these guys are good and they're happy staying under the radar. They're also still douchebags - so they got that going for them.
Should the Ducks move on, and with the way San Jose is playing it seems foolish to think that it won't, a potential match-up with Detroit (who is busy schooling Columbus on the finer points of how to play hockey) in the second round will go down as the best series in the entire playoffs.
Bank on it.
Then you've got the St. Louis Blues...
Let's face it, I got Andy Murray's team all sorts of wrong here back in October when I said that they didn't need to even show up this year because they weren't going to make the playoffs.
No, really, I did say that.
What I didn't get wrong though was about Andy Murray himself. Let me cite noted hockey blogger Hockey Joe, author of Gross Misconduct about what he had to say about Andy Murray:
The best part of this team, however, is the head coach Andy Murray. Murray is a smart enough guy and is always able to get the best out of his teams. He did very solid work with the L.A. Kings until things turned horribly southward there and it's that experience Murray will have to draw on for handling this Blues team.
Such grace in those words - someone should give that guy a pat on the back. Of course, the next phrase after that was:
The Blues will have a spurt or two in them where they're able to man-up and pull a few surprises out and goaltender Manny Legace, or presumptive backup from Nashville Chris Mason, are more than capable of stealing a couple games throughout the season, but don't buy what they're selling. This team is bad.
Damn it all.
I should've been wiser to Manny Legace having a meltdown at some point this season and I should've stuck to my guns about Murray as a coach. I also should have been smarter about the youth on the Blues roster and respecting what they could bring to the table right away in a situation that would demand they do it sooner than later.
Some how, some way the Blues managed to end up sixth in the Western Conference and their reward for that was Roberto Luongo and the Freaky Swedes with their Bore You Into Submission brand of hockey.
Any other time in my hockey life I'd be openly rooting against Vancouver because they're like ether on ice.
Not this time.
I'm vengeful with my words and my middle fingers.
The Blues screwed me out of going five for five on my pre-season prediction and now they're paying for it.
Hey St. Louis! I got two words for ya!
As for Vancouver, a tune up agains the Blues in what basically boils down to a rough scrimmage is just what they needed. Hell, the Canucks are even getting over on trashing the Blues verbally too:
Embarrassing - glad to have the Canucks on my side in this one.
The Canucks are getting hot and they're destined for a second round match-up with either Chicago or Calgary (Chicago leads the series 2-1) and that works out just fine since those two teams are going to beat each others brains in for a while, or at least be cheap-shotting pricks:
That sets things up rather nicely, eh?