Chris Simon: Now We've Got Your Back

Hey, remember when I wrote this?

Yeah...my bad, Chris. I say that only because you were cool enough to call out Colin Campbell.

To the quote board!

"I think it's definitely not fair," Simon told the Minnesota
Pioneer-Press. "My opinion is there's obviously two sets of rules."

If you look at the (video) tape and look at his history, you
can't say we're different, other than he's a star player and I'm not."

A home run all around from the mouth of Chris Simon. Of all people to call Colin Campbell out on the carpet it's the former poster boy for boorish thuggery.

Well...he still might be the poster boy for that, but as far as we're concerned he's irrelevant until he plants another stick into some guy's face. Until that happens, he's now the shining star as to why the NHL is ripe with hypocracy and a crock.

To prove that, here's more wisdom from Chris Simon:

"Because you look at the evidence, at the tape of both cases. You have to put in
the facts of both players being suspended (previously), and I'm being treated
unfairly. The tape proves it all, and his history proves it all. I have nothing
against the other players, I just want to be treated fairly, and in this case I
don't think I have been."

DAAAAAMN!

In typical toothless and brainless fashion, Colin Campbell fired back:

"[Simon's] skate drop on the Pittsburgh player was in a totally
different context than Chris Pronger's," Campbell told
the Pioneer-Press in an email.

"Mr. Simon can state his opinion. Our job is to assess what we
feel is fair and right. If Chris didn't do what he has done, he wouldn't need to
complain about how we handle discipline."

Seriously Colin? Couldn't be bothered to pick up the phone on this one? Real nice.

The Double-Standard is Clear

Remember Chris Simon? Yeah, he's on the Minnesota Wild now, but while he was a New York Islander he helped add to his fun legacy by both using Ryan Hollweg like a batting tee and Jarkko Ruutu as a Dance Dance Revolution mat.

I get to mention that last incident because it elicited this response from NHL Discipline Lackey Colin Campbell:

Several factors were considered in imposing the longest suspension in NHL
history for an on-ice incident. While it was fortunate there was no serious
injury to Mr. Ruutu as a result of Simon's action, the deliberate act of kicking
an opponent with an exposed skate blade, especially where the opponent is in a
vulnerable position, is and always has been a repugnant and totally unacceptable
act in the game of hockey.

In addition, while the act itself was
extremely dangerous, the fact that this is the eighth incident requiring the
imposition of supplementary discipline on Simon compelled me to impose a very
severe penalty in this case. When a player repeatedly evidences the lack of
ability to control his actions and conducts himself in total disregard of the
rules, as well the health and safety of other players on the ice, each
subsequent incident is deserving of enhanced scrutiny and more severe
discipline.

This response serves not only the purpose of imposing
appropriate punishment for the player involved, but also the purpose of
deterring the player and all other players from engaging in similar conduct in
the future - hopefully creating a safer long-term work environment for all NHL
players.

I ask that you keep these words ringing through your head as I show you this.

That is Chris Pronger of the Anaheim Ducks, the darlings of the NHL, deliberately stomping on the Vancouver Canucks' Ryan Kesler with his skate in their game just last night. In case that sentence was too much to handle, here are the operative statements to keep in mind:

Chris Pronger
Anaheim Ducks
Deliberately
Stomping
On

Now that I've painted that clearly for you, the outrage from the Canucks and from Ryan Kesler was rather obvious:

"He stomped on me," Kesler told reporters after the game. "He got me on the
calf."

Again, our operative word here is:

Stomped

After Colin Campbell reviewed the incident, he followed through as how one would expect someone to on a repeat rule-breaking violent-hitting offender...

Chris Pronger Will Face No NHL Disciplinary Action for Stomp

Of course...why would the NHL suspend a guy they had their media gurus persistently sucking up to all last playoff season?

Wait, he was suspended twice during the playoffs last year for dirty hits? Once in the Western Finals and again in the Stanley Cup Finals? That can't be true! He's the best defenseman since Bobby Orr and Paul Coffey had a love child together with Scott Stevens! He's all parts fantasticness!

Wait a minute, what's this I read here?

Chris Pronger has been suspended seven different times before in his career? How is that possible!? I was told all playoffs long the last two seasons that Chris Pronger was the greatest thing to ever set foot on the ice that played the defensive position. This must be an egregious oversight.

After all, Chris Simon is the lowest form of low on the face of the hockey earth and he's been punished über-severely multiple times because he's got a bad temper and a bad reputation and he's been suspended by the NHL eight different times! He's bad! Boo Chris Simon!

Folks, I don't know how many more times I need to stress the idiocy of those in charge of the NHL in all offices. I feel like I'm a broken record here sadly and I'd love... LOVE to talk more about the great things going on in the game (basically Alexander Ovechkin) but I can't ignore these stories. The NHL is finding new ways to make me hate being a professional hockey fan on a weekly and sometimes daily basis and that makes me sad. I love the game more than anything.

But this...this circus of errors, hypocracy and ignorance on all levels from the Commissioner's office to the Discipline office to the General Managers and Owners on down to the fans who have been duped over the last 10-15 years into thinking this brand of hockey is good. It's downright shameful and an absolute disgrace.

Chris Simon: Moron Of the Year

I tell you something, Chris Simon has always been a good, tough menace on the ice. He's exactly the type of player that you want to have on a playoff team that will get under the skin of the other team as well as have enough skill to find the back of the net occasionally. Chris Simon was never a cementhead out on the ice solely looking to pick fights and rack up PIMs.

The Chris Simon that we saw in the NHL in the late 90s was about as similar to guys like Darren McCarty, the exception being that McCarty got to show his wares in the playoffs year in and year out whereas Simon was more on a hit-or-miss team for the playoffs dating back to his first seasons with the Nordiques and then when he was a Washington Capital and New York Ranger. Simon was an important agitating cog with the Colorado Avalanche in their 1996 Stanley Cup season. He scored 34 points in the regular season and racked up 250 PIMs. You'll take those PIMs when the guy gets you nearly 20 goals in the season while playing on the third and fourth lines.

Who am I kidding? This is a guy who took it very much to heart hearing players lob racial slurs his way on the ice (Simon is part Ojibwa Indian) and then, reportedly, called Mike Grier a "nigger" while in a scrap on the ice in 1997 - something for which Simon served a three-game suspension for.

He's gotten tagged for suspensions before and had his 25-game suspension for clubbing the Rangers Ryan Hollweg in the head end early this season. And now he's gotten nailed for 30 games for stomping on the foot of noted scumbag/agitator/flopper from Pittsburgh, Jarkko Ruutu.

Make note, that Ruutu did flop on the ice as if Simon's stomp had done big damage but Ruutu missed zero time on the ice. Modern medicine I tell ya.

For Simon, however, this has to be the end of the road. Yes, he'll play again this year and yes it'll be a big deal when he does and people will cast an eye towards the Islanders to see if Simon pops off again. Make no mistake, other teams will go after Simon hoping that he'll snap off once more and do something stupid to hurt his team in that game. Any penalty, a minor, double-minor, major....whatever it is, that hurts the Islanders and helps the opposing team. Everyone knows that in hockey if there's a hothead on the other team, you bother the hell out of him til he does something foolish. It's this role that Simon has been fulfilling now at the end of his career. Sure, he does his own fair share of agitating but he hurts the team more than anything now and the Isles should've known this already.

Instead, the Isles opted to re-sign Simon in the off-season to a new contract....all while he was still serving his 25-game suspension for his assault on Ryan Hollweg. If only all of our jobs could be rewarded like that.

"Tompkins! You set your desk on fire, beat up Johnson in the cafeteria and lost our biggest client?! Guess what! We're keeping you on for another year! Now go put out your desk."

Insanity - but we know the sports world is different than real life and we accept that as fans. NHL GMs, especially former goalies named Garth Snow, should've known better that what Simon brings to the ice isn't worth what he can take off of it and now Simon has again villanized himself and the game with the same reckless abandon he displays we've seen out of him year after year.

What Chris Simon should do with his NHL-imposed vacation is to think long and hard about what his career has become and whether its worth it or not to keep lacing them up. Your name is the only thing you have left in the world once the career is over and the millions stop rolling in and for Chris Simon he has to wonder if its worth it to him to keep endangering his name because at this rate his name will be worse than "Mud."