ESPN: Contra Cl-Owned

Being that this is a hockey site, we enjoy bringing up ESPN failures in hockey coverage. ESPN has provided a jackpot of hilarity today.

It started this morning when ESPN insisted that Mike Green and Donald Brashear were being looked at for potential suspensions for their actions in Game 6 against the Rangers.

I'm sorry... Mike Green?! The same Mike Green that isn't noted for his defensive prowess at all?

Yeah.

Turns out that was all part of a joke played on ESPN. ESPN retracted their story after a half hour.

The jokes haven't ended there today for the World Wide Leader.

If I might get my "Jump To Conclusions" mat out, it looks like ESPN has upset the space-time continuum courtesy of old-school 80s video gamers.


Code Of Honor: Up, up, down, down, left, right, left, right, B, A, Start

This afternoon, word started circulating around Internet forums that if you visited ESPN's website and entered in the Contra Code you would find an amusing result.

Obviously I'm an easy sheep to snare but this was worth it to give it a look-see. Click to enlarge it, of course:


It's like Napoleon Dynamite's Trapper Keeper crapped on ESPN's homepage.

I don't know what's funnier about this, NASCAR being front page material or the unicorns or the horse from 80s kids show Rainbow Brite being prominently involved.

Whoever the mad geniuses behind these presumably unrelated pranks are are hilarious and deserve a pat on the back.

That is unless they've hacked everyone's computer - which in that case I'd like them to be burned at the stake while tarred and feathered.

Like I said, this is loosely related to hockey but too hilarious to NOT share. I'll call this karmic retribution for being wholly ignorant of the NHL.

Snap Judgments Blow

I know that a lot of folks want to make their judgments on how the playoffs will go after one game, which is really fucking stupid.

I know I don't usually swear around you guys but the fucking hockey media is fucking making me do it.


Denis Leary approved that rant and theft of his act because I write about hockey, assholes.

Sure, I could come out now and say that I think that there's ZERO point in having any more games of the Penguins-Flyers series because the Flyers looked beyond putrid and that all they're going to do over the next three games (yeah, I feel that confident) is take cheap shots and try to purposefully injure people.

You know, like Daniel Carcillo.



I could go that route very easily.

I won't.

I could also talk about how irrevocably inconsistent the NHL is in that it suspended Carcillo a game for that for "message sending" but won't do the same to Mike Cammalleri of the Calgary Flames for doing THE EXACT SAME THING to the Blackhawks Martin Havlat.



Yet, Cammalleri will not be suspended by the NHL because, apparently the only difference between these two cheap and brutal shots to the head (Hey, remember that whole initiative Gary? How about you Colin?) is when they occurred during the game.

Actually the NHL's actual reason is even more worthless than timing: It's because it's Cammalleri's first offense.

Hopeless.

Other snap judgments I could make after Game 1 are:

How the playoffs could be the undoing of Mike Green's campaign for Norris given how he allowed Sean Avery to play him like a chump. Save the complaints, I know the awards are based on regular season play. I'm sure the voters are really on top of these things. Right...

How the Blue Jackets look terrified of being in the playoffs and should've faced off with the San Jose Sharks just to see if an NHL series could end with neither team moving on.

How the Anaheim Ducks are reaching back into the 2007 Stanley Cup Playoffs playbook for how to get away with murder on the sneak.

How the St. Louis Blues and Vancouver Canucks series will make wish to meet up with Dr. Kevorkian if I watch any more of that crap.

I don't care if Vancouver is playing dirty or if St. Louis is too busy crying about getting abused like a teenage girlfriend from her 'roided up football player boyfriend.

I don't care, it's boring and the Sedin Twins freak me the fuck out. They remind me of something I saw in a movie once...



Just jump ahead to the 0:25 second mark of that bad boy and you'll laugh your ass off for a week. Or vomit. Either way, it's a winner.

I won't make those snap judgments though because they're classically stupid. Expect better analysis than that after the weekend because even I'm a bit spooked by Chris Osgood's outstanding goaltending against the Blue Jackets. Does that mean we just throw away everything that happened in the regular season now?

My head hurts.